Pt: "I need my pills, man. I lost them or somebody stole them."
SS: "Who would steal your medicine, sir?"
Pt: "Oh, uh, it was a black kid, yeah some black kid. Or the EMTs."
SS: [skeptical stare]
Pt: "Yeah, well, I remember watching all the bottles spill out of my pants."
SS: "You keep your medication in your pants??"
Pt: "Can I have my dilaudid now?"