What we don't have is Magic Spray.
Magic Spray, for those who aren't glued to the World Cup every four years, is an apparently miraculous compound liberally applied to footballers following a seemingly agonizing injury. After rolling around in the fetal position in an attempt to draw a foul, the players are escorted off the field by medics who whip out their trusty aerosol cans and suddenly return mobility to the lame.
So here's my question: if it works for the fakeurs of elite international soccer, why don't we try it in the ER?
Pain in your knee for the past 10 years that you decided you could no longer handle at 0330 in a Saturday? Well, we're not going to prescribe you narcs, but if you step back here for a second and - don't tell anybody - we have a little something something that's all the rage among European athletes.
Then a quick spritz of ethyl chloride, or lidocaine, or norMAL SALine, or whatever, and send them on their way.