Welcome Back

After spending a wonderful week at home catching up with family and friends, I returned to the ER rested, refreshed, and ready to greet the sick and injured of the Big City.

Until a patient decided to spit in my face.

Now I've been working in the ED for a few years, and I've certainly been spit at many times. But this was the first well-formed spittle missile that made direct contact with my flesh just below the eye.

My knee-jerk reaction was a surprising amount of anger. Despite being a pretty non-violent individual, I truly wanted to jack the guy in the face. Here was a dood who picked a fight with the wrong crowd and lost badly, who then decided to take out his frustrations on the very people he turned to for help.

But unlike this patient, I controlled my impulses. I stepped away from the situation. I washed my face repeatedly. I went outside and checked my voicemail. And then I spent the rest of encounter treating him with the respect and dignity that he refused to show others.

Later in the night, one of the nurses showed me this, and I chuckled. Maybe I should become a surgeon?

Frequent Fliers

Their names may be different, but their stories are almost always the same. Every ER in the country has one, and most have several.

Today's Washington Post has a profile of one frequent flier from Washington, DC whose visits contribute to the estimated $32 billion wasted in non-urgent ER stays every year. It's a fantastic article and well worth a read.

Mix and Match

NewTech: "What the hell is that?"

Points to a white cloud floating in a urine cup that tested positive for large protein.

Second Shift: "Why, that's a little urine/semen cocktail your patient gave you."

Petty Theft

Cranky's encounter with supermarket larceny reminded me of the many people I've seen walk into the ER waiting room, only to grab a box of swine flu masks before turning around and walking out again.

Masks certainly aren't the only things I've witnessed patients try to lift from the ER. Other favorite include tissue boxes, wheelchairs, blankets and cordless phones.

But the winner in the category for best attempt at stealing ER goodies goes to trauma patient who opened the procedure tray cabinet, ripped open the sterile drapes and tried to walk out with a very large bolt cutter.

Not content with free medical care, it seems that certain patients feel entitled to parting gifts as well.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Many, many things to be grateful for this year, but once again topping the list is being home with friends and family today. And beating the guy dressed as a turkey in this morning's Turkey Trot.

Happy eating to excess!

On the Road Again

Road trip to State U today to pick up Brother Shift for the holiday. Happy Thanksgiving all!

Hot Water

Bathrooms are death traps.

Floors mats love to slide out from underneath their owners, toilets yearn to crush reproductive organs or trap other appendages, and now apparently the hot tub is just itching to finish us off.

The New York Times reports that an analysis of the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System revealed that hot tub-related emergency room visits skyrocketed from 2,549 in 1990 to over 6,600 in 2007.

Personally, I've never seen someone present with a hot tub-related complaint (presumably burns, water in the ears, or those dreaded pruney fingers), but rest assured that I will be hyper-vigilant about this issue from now on.