Beware Pizza Guys Bearing Gifts

Few things make the ED staff happier than food.  When I first started working nights, I was amazed at the explosion of munchies that occurred after the day shift left.  Homemade brownies, chips and salsa, Chinese takeout, my customary order of mozzarella sticks at midnight - all the necessary ingredients to keep people fueled into early hours of the morning.  The one thing better than food?  Free food.

On those rare but happy occasions, word quickly spreads throughout the ED.  Whispered revelations of "food in the conference room" inevitably sets off a parade of scrubs in a walk-run shuffle down the hall, causing a momentary mass exodus from the patient care areas.  We had one such stampede the other night, and I was lucky enough to arrive in time to claim two still-warm slices of pizza.  Savoring the greasy goodness and momentary relief from my screaming drug seeker, I asked who we had to thank for their generosity, but nobody knew where the pies had come from.

One of the other techs looked up from his plate and suggested, "Probably some former patient trying to poison all of us."  Everyone laughed, then stopped suddenly and scanned the room, waiting for the first person to drop dead.