Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Press Ganey Be Damned

Pt: [looking up from her newspaper as her husband massaged her feet] "Excuse me, I need to urinate."

Me: "Okay, do you feel comfortable walking?  I can show you to the bathroom down the hall."

Pt: "No dear, I don't think there's any way I can walk that far." [She walked in to the ED without assistance]

Me: "Well, then, let me see if I can find you a bedpan."

Pt: "Absolutely not."

[I then spent the next ten minutes searching the department for our bedside commode, which the patient agreed to use only after a great deal of sighing and eye rolling.  After a dramatic imitation of a syncopal episode, she insisted that her husband and I help lift her]

Me: "I'll step out and give you some privacy."

Pt: "I'm going to need some water to help me go."  [I grab her a cup of water]

Pt: "No tea?  I always need tea with my water."

Me: "Sorry, no tea in the emergency department."

Pt: "Really?  I find that hard to believe."

Me: "Really." [icy glare]

Pt: "Well, I'll at least need this water microwaved then."

At that point, I turned to stare at the husband for a moment, pitying what his daily existence must be like, before walking out of the room.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

If you are well enough to want tea over water...you may not be sick enough for the er.

Just saying

Although...if I was there for a busted up broken part, I probably would want some soda with ice cubes, and the remote to the tv....

Second Shift said...

My point exactly. Life-threatening emergency? We're at our best. Pillow fluffing? Not so much.

keepbreathing said...

Should have told the ER doc she was asking for a Foley.