Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Press Ganey Be Damned

Pt: [looking up from her newspaper as her husband massaged her feet] "Excuse me, I need to urinate."

Me: "Okay, do you feel comfortable walking?  I can show you to the bathroom down the hall."

Pt: "No dear, I don't think there's any way I can walk that far." [She walked in to the ED without assistance]

Me: "Well, then, let me see if I can find you a bedpan."

Pt: "Absolutely not."

[I then spent the next ten minutes searching the department for our bedside commode, which the patient agreed to use only after a great deal of sighing and eye rolling.  After a dramatic imitation of a syncopal episode, she insisted that her husband and I help lift her]

Me: "I'll step out and give you some privacy."

Pt: "I'm going to need some water to help me go."  [I grab her a cup of water]

Pt: "No tea?  I always need tea with my water."

Me: "Sorry, no tea in the emergency department."

Pt: "Really?  I find that hard to believe."

Me: "Really." [icy glare]

Pt: "Well, I'll at least need this water microwaved then."

At that point, I turned to stare at the husband for a moment, pitying what his daily existence must be like, before walking out of the room.


Anonymous said...

If you are well enough to want tea over water...you may not be sick enough for the er.

Just saying

Although...if I was there for a busted up broken part, I probably would want some soda with ice cubes, and the remote to the tv....

Second Shift said...

My point exactly. Life-threatening emergency? We're at our best. Pillow fluffing? Not so much.

keepbreathing said...

Should have told the ER doc she was asking for a Foley.