Myrrh goes to the middle-aged gentlemen who performed a rambling rendition of every blood pressure reading he had ever taken. The saga unfolded something along the lines of "Well years ago a doctor told me my blood pressure was high but then it wasn't for a while until I checked it at a CVS once and I got worried so they started me on, uh, Lisin... um, Lisino, Linsinopoo, but then I stopped taking it," and continued until I asked him what he came to the ED for. His answer? A rash.
Runner up, Frankincense, goes to the dude who ran up to the desk with his finger covered under a large wad of tissues. Sobbing and shaking, he insisted upon sitting on his finger "to maintain the pressure." As the nurse explained that we needed to see the laceration for him to be triaged, I promised to have a large amount of gauze standing by should he have somehow nicked the critical 4th digit artery. Armed with a kling wrap to tie off the bleeder in one hand, I used my other to unwrap sheet after sheet of tissue until I discovered... what appeared to be a mild paper cut.
The Gold medal for Best Presentation to the Big City ED Triage Desk, however, goes to my friend, the Fellow with a Bunion. His award-winning performance went something like this:
FwaB: "Yeah, this has been really hurting for several months now."
RN: "It looks like a bunion, sir."
FwaB: "Is it serious?"
RN: "It's not an emergency."
FwaB: "Well, can somebody take a look at it?"
RN: "You're welcome to wait - it'll probably be around 3 hours - but there's nothing we'll be able to do for a bunion in the emergency department, sir. You'll need to make an appointment with your doctor."
Fwab: "Shouldn't I get an MRI or a CT scan, you know, since I'm here?"