Clearly, we need more tests of bravery, skill, and endurance.
Under our new proposed guidelines, the following events will be added to the process:
1) A wheel chair race through a course littered with waiting room chairs, used emesis basins, and the random piles of the four or five suitcases certain patients feel the need to bring with them to the ER.
2) A floor exercise, set to music, that utilizes gymnastic skill to most expressively convey a fake seizure.
3) Some sort of parallel bars routine using the stretcher rails.
4) A team relay that requires one patient to fill an uncapped urine cup in the bathroom, then hand off the cup as your team races opponents to the triage desk. Least amount of spillage wins.
Now if we could only get Bob Costas to host it...