I Can't Make This Stuff Up

A middle aged male comes in complaining of chest pain.  Brought back to our critical care area, he receives the million dollar workup.  I place him on a monitor, get an EKG and draw cardiac enzymes before they take him off for a chest x-ray.  Risk factors include hypertension, high cholesterol, smoking, and being slightly overweight.  After an hour or so, the patient is informed that he's being admitted upstairs for further evaluation, and suddenly becomes agitated.  Not at the wait, not that he's being admitted, not that chest pain might indicate something serious.  He starts ripping off the monitor cables and tugging at his IV after learning that he will be admitted to our cardiac ICU, where he had previously been restricted to a cardiac diet.  Placing a greater value on his cheeseburgers than his chest pain, the patient stormed out AMA.

Later last night I wandered over to triage, where a patient brought in by ambulance was getting registered at the desk.  Midway through talking with the nurse, he decides that he doesn't have a real complaint, does not want to be seen, and gets up to leave.  Pushing back the chair, he promptly drops to the ground and does the splits.  Jumping back up to his feet, he informs us that he has a drag show to get to, and struts out the waiting room door.