Keep Your Friends Close

Ah, autumn: the changing of the seasons, the chill in the air, the hordes of college students returning to the Big City and drinking their way into the ER...

Scene: EMS delivers to our ambulance bay a young female strapped to a backboard, accompanied by FratBoyBoyfriend.  

Me:  "Hello ma'am.  I just need to check your vital signs while they get your registered."

Pt: "Aieeeeeeeeeee." [loud, high-pitched scream as she tries to rip off the collar]

Me:  "So, FratBoyBoyfriend, obviously too much drinking tonight.  Any drugs?"

FBB:  [grins, shrugs]

Pt:  "Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." [more ripping]

EMS: Strawberry Daquari here had a little too much tonight, so her 'friends' chose to drag, [lifts up blanket covering patient to reveal dirty, bloody scraped feet] yes drag, her to Local College health center, who then decided to send her your way.

FBB:  [grins, shrugs]

Pt:  "Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."