Child-Proof

Child-proof homes have plastic plugs to cover electrical outlets, locks for cabinets, and little gates at the top of the stairs.  These features are designed to protect children, whose awareness of danger and sense of mortality is not yet developed, from hurting themselves.

I propose a similar plan for EtOHers, whose perception of risk is equally compromised.  Instead of the collapsable gates at the tops of the stairs, however, I envision ones regulated by a breathalyzer.  After taking care of my probably 2,352th "EtOH vs. Stairs" trauma patient last night, I think all staircases should now require proof of sobriety before allowing people to use them.  It could save millions!