That Explains It

Why would anybody assume that a patient's inability to stand up, ambulate steadily, form a coherent, non-slurred sentence, or pass a breathalyzer indicates that he is drunk?

It was the shoes, not the booze.

My patient tonight coined a new classic: the "shoes made me do it" defense. The staggering, slurring, and sloshing about had nothing to do with the EtOH and everything to do with the allegedly faulty footwear.

Nike's new slogan: Just Drink It?