Always Check the Label

Noticing a crowd forming around the triage desk in the wee hours this weekend, I wandered over to discover that a grateful patient had dropped off a gift basket to thank us for the care he received.  Since the only thing ER staff love more than food is free food, I elbowed my way through the crowd of techs, RNs, MDs, security officers, registration folk and probably one or two undercover patients to feast upon the assorted cheeses, nuts, crackers and meats that lay beneath the shredded plastic wrap.  Sadly, by the time I arrived all that remained in the wicker basket were crumbs and a crumpled blue bow.  

As I turned to mope my way back to my patients, one of the nurses examined a cracker box and discovered her snacks had expired in 2004, thus begging the question: was this the regifting of a grateful but slightly confused senior citizen, or the clever scheme of a vengeful former patient bent on poisoning us all?  We'll never know.