[Patient sitting on stretcher, surrounded by multiple belongings bags, searching through all his worldly possessions for the valuables he wants to lock up in the safe (you know, things like his pen, dinner receipt, and $0.87)]
Me: No sir, I'm not going to bring any of your valuables to the safe until you put some clothes back on.
[Drunk college student arrives s/p 70's night at a local bar, having been found vomiting on a telephone pole]
Pt: They're laughing at me!
RN: Of course they're laughing at you, your outfit is ridiculous!
Pt: No! My pants are ridiculous! But this shirts is awesome! [pukes]